How to Talk to Anyone: 90 Tiny Tricks That Make a Big Impact

Let’s be honest, most of us weren’t taught how to truly connect with people.

Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

We learn how to speak, but not how to spark interest, build trust, or leave a lasting impression. That’s where How to Talk to Anyone by Leil Lowndes comes in. It’s packed with 90 practical techniques that help you become more confident, likable, and persuasive in any social situation.

It was an interesting book an so I wanted to curate my favorite takeaways in an article.

So, please grab a cup of coffee, and let’s get into it.

Quick summary for those in a hurry

The book lists 92 techniques that can be used to improve communication skills. Although the book was published back in 1999, there are some very interesting ideas that can be easily integrated to improve your communication skills and overall likability. The following points particularly stuck in my mind:

• Whenever you walk through a door, pay attention to your posture. Then it will become a habit.
• You should be prepared for the question “What do you do?” (including situation-dependent variations).

Make a strong first impression, without saying a word

Before you even speak, people form opinions based on your body language, eye contact, and energy.

• The flooding smile: Smile slowly and genuinely. It builds trust.
• Sticky eyes: Hold eye contact a little longer than usual. It shows warmth.
• Hang by your teeth: Stand tall and smile as if you’re being lifted by your teeth. It says, “I’m confident.”
• Hello old friend: Greet new people like you’re happy to see them (like an old friend).

A good habit to get into is: Every time you walk through a door, check your posture and try to stand up tall. It’s a small reminder to carry yourself with confidence.

Small talk that doesn’t feel small

The first few sentences don’t need to be clever. They need to match the other person’s mood.

• Make a mood match: Mirror their energy before diving into conversation.
• Prosaic with passion: Say something simple, but with enthusiasm.
• Never the naked job: Don’t just say your job title. Instead, share what you do and how it helps others.

A trick from Leil Lowndes: Prepare different versions of answers to “What do you do?” to use in different situations.

Speak like a leader

Words matter.

The way you say things can make you sound more thoughtful, confident, and engaging.

• CommYOUnication: Use “you” and the person’s name. It makes your message more personal.
• Kill the quick “Me too”: Let others finish before jumping in with your own story.
• Avoid clichés: They make you sound lazy. Be original.

To improve the way you speak, reading books on public speaking can be helpful to sharpen how your ability to communicate under pressure.

Be an insider anywhere

Want to fit in with any crowd? That’s not a game changer, but it is very helpful to learn a little about their world.

• Scramble therapy: Try new experiences, they give you stories to share.
• Learn job jargon: Know a few terms from other professions. It helps you connect.
• Read their rags: Stay informed about what matters to the people you meet.

Praise that feels real

Lowndes shows how to give compliments that actually mean something.

• Killer compliment: One specific, sincere compliment can go a long way.
• Little strokes: Small, honest compliments matter too.
• Boomeranging: When someone compliments you, thank them in a way that makes them feel good.

And don’t wait for the “perfect moment”, give compliments right away!

Connect via phone

Even without body language, you can build strong connections.

• Nameshower: Use the person’s name often when you are on the phone. It improves connection even if you don’t see each other.
• Oh wow, it’s you!: Smile when you hear who’s calling. They’ll hear it in your voice.
• Color of time: Ask if it’s a good time to talk. Respect their schedule.

Work a room like a pro

Networking events used to feel awkward to me: standing in a room full of strangers, waiting for someone to break the silence and start a conversation. But the more I showed up, the easier it got. With each event, I became more comfortable, more confident, and more intentional about how I connect with others.

Leil Lowndes has some pro tricks:

• Be the chooser: Don’t wait to be approached, go talk to people. It might feel weird for the first conversation, but it build confidence from there.
• Come hither hands: Open body language invites conversation. People will then approach you.
• Track details: Remember small things about people. It shows you care.

And if you can, jot down notes (on your phone, on the business cards, …) about your new contacts. It makes re-connecting much easier in the future!

8. Handle social challenges gracefully

From awkward moments to favors, Lowndes teaches how to navigate tricky situations with class.

• Leave an escape hatch: If someone messes up, give them a way out. They won’t forget your kindness.
• WIIFM & WIIFY: Be clear about what’s in it for them and for you.
• Echo the emo: Match the emotional tone of the person you’re speaking with.

Overall, try to keep social “scorecards” balanced in a sense that you give as much as you take.

Final thoughts

How to Talk to Anyone isn’t about being fake. It’s about being intentional.

The techniques help you show up as your best self, build real connections, and make others feel seen and valued.

If you want to improve your communication (leadership, networking or everyday life) the book is a great place to start.